Reclaiming Consciousness

10 Things I've Learned from Being Married for 10 Years

• Alyse Bacine • Season 1 • Episode 64

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"Being able to consciously use the information that you receive from your relationships is the key to growth on so many levels".

Today is my ten year wedding anniversary with my husband Matt. I wanted to do a little reflecting on what I've learned from being married for 10 years and wrote down a list of 10 things (of course) that I decided to share with you.

Maybe you can put some or all of them into practice in your own relationships and see how they start to slowly but surely begin to make a shift into a more stable, deep, caring, balanced, and meaningful state. 

  1. It's usually never about the other person.
  2. Everything that annoys you about them is really a point of growth for you.
  3. Don't sweat the small stuff.
  4. Learn how to have conflicts and still come back together.
  5. Listen to their feedback, even if you don't want to hear it.
  6. They are mirroring back to you your wounds from childhood, but it's up to you to heal them.
  7. Make time for each other.
  8. No relationship is rainbows and butterflies. 
  9.  Choose to see the good in them.
  10. Set the intention that the relationship will be a tool for growth and you both intend to grow continuously.

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  • Sign up for The Metamorphosis my groundbreaking program to rapidly and efficiently clear the familial and ancestral trauma that is blocking you from claiming the life you know you were meant to live.
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For Matt and I to really move forward with transforming our relationship, one of the things I really had to do was like, let go of the past and not hold that against him. In the present time, you're gonna disagree. You're going to have a difference of opinion. You're going to get annoyed at the person.

That's just the reality of the situation. How can you do that in a way? There's certain things that have to be off the table. You don't hit below the belt in every argument. I think one of the reasons why we have such a high divorce rate in this country is because no one wants to work through their shit with each other.

They're just like, oh, this isn't easy anymore. Like, Peace out. 

Welcome to Reclaiming Consciousness. My name is Alyse Bacine, spiritual mentor, breathwork practitioner and owner, and CEO of Alyse Breathes. For many years, our consciousness has been hijacked by societal and cultural programming, religion, the media, and familial and ancestral trauma.

Right now, during this epic time in history, people are waking up realizing who they really. And reclaiming the pieces of their consciousness that they unknowingly gave away. This podcast is an exploration of how so many spectacular humans are leading the way in exiting the matrix and reclaiming who they really are and what they're capable of.

In this show, you'll meet exceptional people who are paving the way in raising conscious. And creating a new way of living on this earth. Get ready to go deep now. Let's dive in.

Hi everyone. Welcome back to the show. So I love, love, love, love, love this episode that is coming out today. So what I decided to do and what came through for me really strong was to record an episode about the 10 things I've learned from being married for 10 years. Cause today, Thursday, March 23rd, 2023 is my 10 year wedding anniversary with my husband, Matt.

And as many of you know, we have done a lot of work on our relationship in the last. Couple years and I've learned so much, but I've really learned so much in our 10 years of marriage. We've been together for 14 years, so I really share some, some wisdom here. And these 10 things literally just like flew out of me like they were channeled for sure.

But I love sharing about relationships and I love helping my clients with relationships because, , I know that I'm on this planet to learn through relationships, and I believe that so many of us are, and being able to consciously use the information that you receive from your relationships is the key to growth on so many levels, and it's the key to creating the life that you desire.

And I go more into this on the episode. I, I'm really excited to share this with you, and I do mention in the episode just about my two programs, the Metamorphosis and The Metamorphosis Method, because both of these are highly targeted to help you understand the patterns that you get into in relationships and how dismantling and disentangling yourself from those patterns is the key to your.

It's the key to you manifesting the life you desire. It's the key to breaking through all of the limitations that you previously thought you had. So I feel so profoundly passionate about helping people understand how to navigate relationships and how to use them for a tool for growth. So if you are interested in doing that in any capacity, most likely the metamorphosis or the Metamorphosis Method, my certification program are for you, and I talk a little more about that in the episode, but I'm gonna link all of those below right now, the Metamorphosis Method, which is my certification program, where I teach you how to heal and transmute familial and ancestral trauma rapidly and efficiently using the tools I've created through breath work, energy work, and my very unique trauma framework, so that you can utilize these tools in your own coaching or healing practice to help people get wildly amazing results very quickly.

So if this sounds like something that you are interested in, now is the time to join us because the price is gonna be going up on April 1st by $2,000. So if you have been thinking about joining this program, I know a lot of you have joining before the end of March is a great idea so that you can save, uh, $2,000.

So reach out to me. Um, there is an application process on. Website and we'll link that below, or you can just reach out to me through email or dm me on Instagram. And, uh, we can chat about if this is a fit for you and if you are just interested in understanding how to navigate your relationships in life.

As a growth tool and understanding why you might be coming up against the same ceiling or repeating the same patterns over and over again, then the metamorphosis is definitely for you. That is where you untangle familial and ancestral trauma. Transmute it, heal it, clear it, and step into your highest timeline.

Um, and we'll link that here below and feel free to reach out to me with any questions about. And I am sending you so much love. Please, please, please let me know how you enjoyed the episode, and also if you rate and review the show and send me a screenshot either through email or on Instagram, we will give you a code for 50% off My Miracles Money and Magnetism bundle, which is a bunch of recorded.

Master classes that I taught around the Miracle Frequency, the Galactic abundance codes, and my Accelerated Wealth Masterclass, all which are very powerful frequency upgrades to align you with the frequency of miracles and the frequency of wealth. So if you'd like to get your hands on that for 50% off.

Just rate and review the show, send it to me, and we'll get you that code. So without further ado, enjoy the episode. 

Hi everyone. Welcome back to the show. So I am doing a very special episode today. The title of today's episode is The 10 Things I Learned After Being Married for 10. Today, the day that this episode comes out is my 10 year wedding anniversary with my husband Matt.

So I wanted to do a little reflecting on what I've learned from being married for 10 years, and you all have heard me share about my journey in my relationship with my husband, and I know that for me, So much of the way that I learn and understand the world is through relationships, and I actually consider myself an expert in relationships, but my relationship with my husband has been such a point of growth for me and continues to be a huge growth edge as I just moved through my own personal growth path, and especially since we have really worked so hard to transform our relationship in the last year.

And just in general, the 10 years that we've been together and the way that I want to continue to transform our relationship, I just wanted to share some of the things that I feel like I've really solidly learned and have also been able to utilize in the way that I work with clients. So many of you know, A huge piece of the work that I do is around healing, familial and ancestral trauma, and part of that is understanding patterns and relationships so that we can stop repeating them and heal them and start living and experiencing relationships in ways that are better than you can imagine.

But a lot of that is noticing the patterns that we're recreating from the past, whether it's the way that our parents related to each other. The way that our parents related to us, or a combination of both. We have to have awareness around that in order to shift it and to begin to experience life in the ways that we desire to.

Because again, you've all heard me share that the way we do one thing is the way we do everything so, If we are in relationships, especially our closest relationships, where you are repeating patterns from the past, then that's gonna show up in your business, that's gonna show up in your ability to receive, that's gonna show up in your bank account.

It's gonna show up everywhere. So that's why this stuff is so important, and I'm really sharing this from the place of wanting to support you and help you. Notice these things and understand how our relationships can give us so much amazing information about what our growth edges are and what we need to look at and heal and change so that we can step into the version of ourselves that we truly desire.

So here we go. I made my list of the 10 things that I've learned from being married for 10 years. So the first one is, Dun . It's usually never about the other person. This one, you know, I'm gonna expand on, but a lot of times what happens in relationships actually almost all the time, is that the person that you are with is mirroring something back to you that you need to look at.

So we usually think it's about that person. Oh, they're acting this way, they're doing this thing. I don't like when they say this. I don't like when they do that. , it's usually always a reflection of something deeper going on within you and something within you that you are either not liking about yourself, something that you don't wanna see within yourself, and something that you ultimately wanna change within yourself.

So whenever we think it's about, oh, they're not paying enough attention to me, or they're not connecting with me in the way that I desire. . Well, where are you not connecting with yourself in the way you desire? And ultimately, how are you not connecting with them in the way you desire? Because a lot of times we want to look at the other person and think it's all about them.

It's all about them and what they're doing, and I want them to change, but. The truth of the matter is we can never change anyone. All we can do is change ourselves. And when we see something in the other person that we wanna change, it's usually a reflection of our desire to change that exact thing within ourselves.

So it's so important to understand that. In your relationships because it will take a lot of the stuckness and angst outta it when you can realize that it's not actually about the other person. And don't get me wrong, like obviously there are things like where you need to set a boundary with someone about something or you need to tell them that's not okay with you.

I'm not saying that you like roll over and just let them act however they want because you know it's really about you. Nothing is black and white, and that's something that's really important to remember with all of these statements that I'm saying. But ultimately, there's something for you in every situation, even if the person is being rude to you or they are.

Crossing your boundaries. There's something in that for you also, even though it might be an invitation for you to voice how you feel, for you to set a boundary for you to make a statement. Of course, however, there's something in it for you too. There's a deeper level of healing. There's a deeper level of awareness.

There's an invitation to go deeper within yourself in some way. So remembering it's usually never about the other person. And also if you can operate this, In relationships, then it actually serves you because you take all of your power back. Because when we sit in this space of thinking like, oh, I wish this person would change.

I wish this person would change, you're just keeping yourself stuck in a situation that feels like there's no answer. Whereas if you. Make it about you and look at the ways that you can change your energy, that you can look at the situation differently, that you can shift. Then you have all the power to change the situation and look at it differently, and ultimately get yourself out of it.

That's number one. Number two, everything that annoys you about them is really a point of growth for you, . So this is like similar to the first one, but it's different. So I'm gonna give an example of this from my own relationship, which I'm sure a lot of you can relate to. One of the things with Matt, my husband, that I always come up against is I feel like he's being hyper critical or judgmental of me.

Especially with like little things like how I do things around the house or whatever. It's, and I'm always like, oh my gosh, you're so critical, you're so judgmental. Like, why are you like that? But really the reason why it triggers me so much is because it brings up the part of me that's super judgmental and critical of.

So instead of me making it about him in those moments, when I get triggered, what I really wanna be looking at is where within me am I still being overly judgmental and critical of myself, and I'm actually hurting because of that. And then it's an opportunity for me to look at the wounded part of me from childhood that feels like I'm not good enough.

That feels like I need to judge myself in order to prevent myself from getting hurt again. That I need to constantly be trying to fix myself so that I don't have anyone outside of me judging me or telling me that I'm not good enough or to prevent myself from feeling not good. So when I feel judged by him, it's really opening up this wound within myself of the places that I feel not good enough, and that I feel like I'm overly judgmental of myself.

It's really important to look at these things instead of it being like, oh, he's so annoying. He does this, he does that, or My partner does this or that, and it's really, okay, well why is this annoying me? What is this bringing up within me? And being able to have that place of like reflection, because in relat.

The best thing that we can do is bring these things back to ourselves and look at what is this showing me? What is this bringing up in me that is making me so uncomfortable now? And also there's always gonna be like little things like that they do that annoy you and it's just like whatever. But there always is some.

Thing in it. Like I know for my husband, a lot of times, like he'll get annoyed at me for not doing like these little things that he asks me to do. , and I think when I don't do them, like when I forget or whatever, it brings up his feelings of not being important or feeling like his feelings don't matter.

So within these little interactions within the relationship that feel like they're just like little daily annoyances or little like stupid things, there's always something in there for you. It's always showing you something. It's always illuminating something because. Thing with that other person is forever your mirror.

Anything that you feel that their energy raises up within you is showing you something, is illuminating something for you. And if you can learn to use it, and I'm not saying you have to be like that all the time and look at every single thing all the time, like that gets exhausting. Obviously we have lives to live , but especially if it's something that's recurring.

If you can learn to take that information and use it for your own growth, and if both people can do that, then that is how you grow through and from a relationship is you start to use the information. From the relationship as tools for your own growth and ways to expand and navigate into something new, into looking at things differently and into the perspective of possibility versus constriction of being like, oh, I just wish the other person would change.

That's number two. Number three is don't sweat the small stuff. So this sounds like kind of cliche, but I think this is really important to bring. Because sometimes we can get so caught up in like little things, or if your partner does something you don't like holding onto it and holding it against them in the future.

And I know for me, this was a huge point of growth for myself when I decided to. For Matt and I to really move forward with transforming our relationship, one of the things I really had to do was like, let go of the past and not hold that against him in the present time. And a lot of times what happens when like, Small things come up and we get really angry about it.

It's because we're bringing the past into the present, and then we're wanting to punish them for what happened in the past because of something small that happened in the present. So this is a really important thing to be aware of, especially if you've been with somebody for a long time. Because what can happen is we unknowingly bring the past into the present and try to hold somebody accountable for something.

They probably forgot about or they probably thought was over and done with, but if you are still holding onto it and you're bringing it, into that moment. It's like you are trying to punish them or hold them accountable for something that they don't even really understand. And the only person that's actually getting hurt is you because you are the one who's recreating the past in the present.

So when I say don't sweat the small stuff yet, it's about not getting caught up in the little things. But it's also like the reason why we do that is because. Hold onto the past and then bring it into the present moment. So it's really important to look at like where you might be holding onto things that have happened, even small things where you felt slighted or you felt like.

You were hurt or you felt like it wasn't fair, and then you hold onto it and try to hold the person accountable in other situations that actually aren't even related. So this is something that it's really important to look at. And then also like being willing to let things go. I think not sweating the small stuff also means.

even if something annoyed you in the moment, or even if you felt like something happened that you didn't like how it went or it wasn't fair, or that your partner said something that hurt you or annoyed you, being willing to see them in their highest self. In their highest potential in who they truly are, instead of wanting to hold onto things and hold it against them, because I think that creates this like underlying animosity in the relationship that then like builds and builds and it actually erodes your connection and it makes you forget about like why you're with this person in the first place.

What your connection really is and who you really are as a couple in the first place, because you have all the stuff that's like building between you that you're holding onto without even realizing it. So if you can really honestly let things go in the moment and choose that, you're gonna see the person in who they really are.

Instead of wanting to like go tip for tat with them, that is huge in creating a sustainable, lasting relationship. Okay, so number four is really important is learn how to have conflicts and still come back together. So I mentioned this in my. Episode I did about my relationship with my husband, and this is something that was a huge point of growth for me because I did not understand that you could agree with somebody and have a heated conversation and get angry and have a difference of opinion.

And. Still love each other and still come back together and it be okay. And I think that this is something that a lot of us don't understand because growing up we watched the way our parents might have had a conflict and then gave the other person the silent treatment or walked out the house or punished them in some way.

And we never really learned how to have healthy conflicts. When you are with somebody for a long amount of time, when you've lived with them, like Matt and I have lived together for close to 14 years now, you're gonna disagree. You're going to have a difference of opinion. You're going to get annoyed at the person you are.

Going to get angry. You're going to fight, you're gonna have arguments. Like that's just the reality of the situation. But how can you do that in a way where a, there's certain things that have to be off the table. You don't threaten divorce in every argument. You don't hit below the belt in every argument.

You just respect the person enough not to do that. and then you learn how to like have a healthy conflict where you say what you think, you express your feelings, you're allowed to get angry, but again, you don't hit below the belt and you're able to come back together afterwards and let it go. So it's like you're able to have conflicts with each other.

Still maintain your connection. And this is something for me that was a game changer in staying together with my husband because I think before I was so afraid of conflict that I would never really say my opinion. And then what ended up happening is I had so much bottled up resentment and so much like anger.

Towards him, but also myself because I didn't allow myself to fully be myself and fully express how I feel. And so it was like I wasn't even authentically in the relationship because I wasn't able to truly show who I am. So now I've learned to express myself much more fully. We have many conflicts. We have many heated conversations.

And we're able to let it go and come back together within minutes. Whereas before, I would feel angry for days or I wouldn't talk to him, or I'd give him like an attitude , you know, for days and. That doesn't contribute to a healthy relationship, and it also doesn't contribute to a good energy in the household.

And especially if you have kids, you know your kids model after what you do, they model their relationships off of what they see you doing in relationships. So I think that. in itself for some people is enough of an incentive to change the way you're operating in relationships. So being able to have a conflict and also model this to your kids.

My kids have been able to see that my husband and I can have a disagreement, can have a difference of opinion, and we can have like a heated conversation, but then we still love each other. We still come back together. and that models to kids that it's okay to have a difference of opinion. You can still love each other even if you see things differently and like in the world we live in today.

That is a very important skill to have. And it also made me so happy because the other day I had a parent teacher conference with my daughter's teacher and one of the things she said to me was, Hazel is not afraid to say what she. And Hazel's not afraid to tell people to stop doing something that's annoying her.

She's not afraid to tell people no, and I was like, oh my God. If there's anything that I would want my kids to have, it would be that quality, because that's something that I did not grow up with. That's something that I never had. It's something that I still struggle with. And she's like able to do that because we've modeled that to her.

So that in itself was like a huge win for me. Okay. And then number five is listen to their feedback, even if you don't want to hear it . So this is another thing that was super, super hard for me because. In some ways I have a little bit of this like spiritual egotism where I've always been highly emotionally intelligent.

I've always been super tuned into other people. With my relationship with Matt, I felt like I knew more about like the way that I was showing up and the dynamics between us. I felt. If he was telling me something, it was just like, because he didn't know what he was talking about or he was hypercritical or judgemental.

But then once we started doing more intense therapy, I realized that like a lot of the feedback he was giving me was actually points of growth for me that I wasn't willing to look at before. So usually when your partner is giving you some kind of feedback about something that they're seeing with you, , it's usually a really good idea to listen to them because they actually know you better than anybody.

and if they're telling you that this is something that you can improve upon, your opportunity is to really swallow your pride and your ego and actually just listen to what they're saying because most likely it's on , and this is something that I had to get really a lot more comfortable with. Because of like the nature of our relationship and some of the patterns and dynamics that we were in previously.

It was hard for me to open up to his feedback because I think I was so scared of being criticized or being judged by him that I didn't wanna open myself up for that feedback. But once I did, I realized that he actually had a lot of really valuable things to say about me, and there was a ton of growth that I was able to have.

From that, and I was able to show up in the relationship with a lot more emotional maturity and a lot more self-awareness and starting to understand that some of the things that I was doing was actually, like I said before, me bringing the past into the relationship or me bringing a level of resentment into the relationship that I actually don't want to have because it's not a contribu.

To the version of the relationship that I wanted to create. So me listening to his feedback actually gave me a ton of information about the ways that I could grow that would actually be in support of where I wanted our relationship to grow into, if that makes sense. This one is a really hard one, but being able to listen to feedback is huge.

And it also just shows a level, like I said, of emotional maturity. That is a point of growth for a lot of us, cuz sometimes we don't really wanna hear what that person has to say or we think, oh, they're just like critical of us. Or they have some. Vested interest in us doing something differently. So we don't wanna listen to them when the reality of the situation is they have really important information that can help us grow and create the type of relationship that we really wanna create.

Okay. Number six is they are mirroring back to you your wounds from childhood, but it's up to you to heal them. . So this is a huge one you guys, and this is actually like the basis for so much of the work that I do around understanding relationship patterns and dynamics and healing the wounds from c. And this is actually like a huge part of what I teach you in the Metamorphosis method is how to pinpoint this stuff.

But if you can pinpoint it for yourself in your own relationship, that is 99% of it. Because if you're able to do that for yourself, then doing it for other people will be a lot easier. But, , I teach you very specifically how to do it in the metamorphosis method along with other stuff, obviously , but I'll get underneath of this a little bit and I'll give you an example from my own relationship.

And a lot of you have heard me share about this. So for me, a lot of what the wounding that. Was showing up for me in my relationship was around my relationship with my mother and always being bracing for something bad to happen because my mom, again, love her. She's amazing, but she was volatile and she would have these like crazy, like freakouts and it was very scary for me.

So a lot of my childhood was trying to make sure that that didn't happen. or bracing for that to happen. And then that's what I ended up doing in my relationship with my husband, was like it was all about him and his emotions and how I was gonna manage them versus the kind of relationship we have now where we're both much more emotionally.

Responsible for ourselves. My relationship was literally like a recreation of my relationship with my mom, which was obviously we were close and we had a deep connection, but I also had a deep level of resentment for her, and I also found myself always being this like calming force or trying to. Her from having a big reaction to something or preventing her from freaking out, and this is what I ended up recreating in my relationship and when I would have things happen with Matt.

And even if it was something small, and this is a, this has been a huge point of growth for me to, when he is disciplining the kids, for example, what would happen for me before is I would immediately go into this mode of needing to protect my kids from him because I was perceiving him. As my mom, as emotionally volatile, as scary as something that I had to protect my kids from.

And then I had to realize that he actually was just like doing his job as a parent and he is just disciplining the kids when they need to be disciplined and. It wasn't anything I needed to protect my kids from. It was more that I was having a visceral reaction. My inner wounded child was having a visceral reaction to him, which really had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my own childhood wounding.

So now I've been able to really shift this and allow him to have. Emotional experiences allow him to talk to the kids in a more like direct or heightened way without me reacting as if I'm like five year old Alyse and I'm getting like screamed at or whatever. So this has been a huge point of growth because the relationship gave me an opportunity to heal that.

And this is what relationships do, and this is a really huge thing that we go into in the Metamorphosis method. Is how to help people heal from this. How to help people pinpoint it, understand what's going on and heal from it. And then use the additional tools that I create, like the breath work and the energy work to shift the energy.

And if you are somebody who is just wanting to do this for yourself. Then the metamorphosis is where it's at, because that's where I help you untangle yourself from all of these patterns that you have with your parents and see how they're showing up in your life now and heal them. So this stuff you guys is so important in changing your reality because you will continue to recreate these relationships.

In every aspect of your life until you become aware of them and shift them. It's just the reality and it's such important work. So this is probably number six, is one of the most important things that I've learned and one of the most important things that we can all learn. . And if you're interested in going deeper and shifting the stuff for yourself or for other people, then either the metamorphosis or the metamorphosis method is where you wanna go.

Okay? So number seven is another one that's super important. Make time for each other. Prioritize your relationship. So this is something that. . It like makes sense. Like when I say it, you're probably all like, oh yeah, obviously. But that actually doesn't happen for a lot of people, especially when you've been with somebody for so long.

Like Matt and I have been together 14 years. Sometimes you ju and especially after you have kids, you just start like going through life and you just take the relationship for granted, and you don't realize that if you want the relationship to evolve and you want the relationship to feel good. That you have to put energy into it and you have to make it a priority.

It just doesn't magically become amazing like you have to decide that's what you're gonna create. And what that means is like the way that we prioritize our relationship, a, we work with a coach slash therapist and she's amazing and we see her like every other week religiously. Matt also sees. Once a week.

So like those type of things where you are making a statement to the universe that your relationship is important. And not only that, the growth and evolution of your relationship is important. That is something that to me, is a non-negotiable. If you wanna have a successful relationship, you have to prioritize it and you have to make the relationship.

Non-negotiable priority in your life and not only going to therapy, I know that's not for everybody. I know I have some clients who are like, my husband won't go to therapy, and that's okay too. One of the things I said too is maybe just reframe it for him and tell him you're working with a relationship coach or like a love coach or something.

I don't know, cuz sometimes people just don't like the word therapy, but I do think every single person can benefit from having a third party come in and help. See your blind spots and help you communicate in a way that you wouldn't be able to if it was just the two of you. So those things are so important.

And then also creating time for connection. Like you start going through life and you don't actually create time to connect with one another. To spend time just the two of you and to like. Live in a way where you act like the relationship is its own thing that you both hold sacred. I will never forget and this always brings tears to my eyes and it's like a opposed, since we're coming up on our 10 year wedding anniversary, but one of the biggest things that has always stuck with me from our wedding, so we got married, we're both Jewish and we had a Jewish ceremony.

And a Jewish wedding and the guy who married us, one of the things that we repeated in our vows was, and it was in Hebrew, but then you said it in English and it was when we put the ring on each other, it was, with this ring, you become sacred to me. And I don't know why that makes me emotional, but like I will never forget that moment of saying that because it really is so true that this person.

and the relationship, like you have to hold it sacred. You have to hold it in a very high regard, and you have to always look at it as something sacred, like something that has a higher energy to it, a higher purpose to it. And if you can look at it like that and you feel that way about it, then it will.

But you have to decide that's what it is. And you can't take it for granted, and you have to prioritize. and hold it sacred. . So that's number seven. Number eight is no relationship is rainbows and butterflies. You have to choose it daily. So this is another one that's really important. Like I think one of the reasons why we have such a high divorce rate in this country is because no one wants to work through their shit with each other.

They're just like, oh. This isn't easy anymore, like peace out. And not to say I do think there's people that like are meant to get divorced and I totally am not against divorce in any way. I just think it, it should be whatever is in the highest good of the two people, obviously. But I also. Truly believe that so many people walk away from a relationships because they don't have the tools, and they didn't decide to put in the time to get through the hurdles to come out on the other side where they would actually grow much more deeply within themselves and with each other.

Because I was looking down the road of divorce, I. Saw that as my reality, and I was okay with that in a lot of ways. But then I saw my husband start to show up differently and I saw what could be if we both really put the time in. and I decided to choose that because I'm a growth oriented person and I knew that it didn't matter who I was with, that the shit that I was facing was gonna come up.

It doesn't matter who it's with. So I might as well work through it with somebody that I love, who's the father of my children, who I already created a life with. . And I remember Matt said to me at one point, like when we were separated, I truly believe that you and I are connected on a deeper level than we truly even understand.

And when he said that, I was like, oh my gosh, you're right. And I knew that. And I had gone into my own like Akasha records, and I had asked about our sole contracts with each other, and I said, are our sole contracts complete? And it was like a very clear, no, they're not complete. Like you guys need to stay together or whatever.

So my point for sharing all of that is no, nothing is rainbows and butterflies, but like you have to choose it daily and you have to make the decision that you're gonna choose it even in the times. , it doesn't feel like you want to, and it has to be like a daily decision. And I say that all the time and I also bring this back to like your business too, because I said this the other day to a client.

Cause I feel like so many people will get in this place of like when they don't think things are working with their business, they'll be like, oh, does this mean that I should. Or does this mean I shouldn't do this anymore? And I compared that to her, to this idea of relationships and how even if you get into a challenging place in your relationship, you still don't bring up like, oh, we should get divorced.

And it's like the same thing with your business. Just because things don't feel easy in your business, doesn't mean you need to threaten to end it all the time. Like it's actually detrimental to your relationship with your business, just like it's detrimental to your relationship if you're always threatening to get divorce or to break up over every little thing.

So my point for sharing that is when it comes to a long-term relationship, like. , you have to choose it every single day and decide that you're gonna put your energy and effort into this, and it has to be a daily decision. Okay, and then number nine. Choose to see the good in them. , this one is really important, and even though yes, it sounds really simple and cliche, relationships are an opportunity, again, as a mirror for yourself and looking at like wherever it is that you want to make them wrong or nitpick them or wish that they were different.

That's actually the feelings that you're having towards your. So if you intentionally choose that, you're gonna see the good in them, that you're gonna look at the things that you're grateful for, the things that you don't wanna live without, the things that really make you feel so supported and excited about the relationship, then that actually affects your relationship with yourself.

And you start to see those things within yourself too. And it actually creates, Such a different energy within you that creates much more magnetism and worthiness and self-love. So it's like instead of the relationship being something that always mirrors back, like the things that are triggering you or you're wounding, it can also be a place that mirrors back all of the things that you love about yourself and your life, and the ways that you are really in gratitude for all that you've created.

So you can use the relationship in that way as well. If all you have to do is choose to see the good in the other person and choose to see the things that you appreciate and acknowledge about them and tell them that. Tell them, I really appreciate the way that you're doing this, or, I love that you did that, or, oh my gosh, thank you so much for doing that.

It made things so much easier for me. Those are. Really powerful. Like we had a therapist years ago who said, you either make deposits in the relationship bank account or you make withdraws. And when you say stuff like that, when you acknowledge the other person, when they feel that you are appreciative of them, It's like making a deposit in that relationship bank account, like it adds an energy to your relationship.

It's like the daily practice of holding it sacred when you choose to see the good in them instead of criticizing or making them wrong. And that's just so good for your own wellbeing and the way you feel about yourself. Okay, so number 10. The final one is set the intention that the relationship will be a tool for growth and you both intend to grow continuously.

And I think this is so important because I think we have this old programming around relationships like this old paradigm where we think that it's, oh, Find this person and they complete you, and then you live happily ever after, and that's actually not the case at all. It's something that relationship is a tool for growth.

It will continue to mirror back to you the places where you need to grow. and if you both decide that you are intending to grow through and with the relationship, then it becomes like this symbiotic thing where when things come up, if we already know that the end result is growth and expansion. Then things don't seem so challenging or they don't seem so, oh my gosh.

I don't know how we're gonna get over this. Because we know that ultimately when we come out on the other side of any challenge that presents itself, that we're gonna be closer for it. We're gonna be more expanded, we're gonna hit a new level. And if you both have that agreement, It changes the energy of the relationship and it makes it so you both trust that whatever comes up, you're gonna come out on the other side even better because the relationship is a tool for growth and expansion, and you've both agreed that you're going to expand through and from the relationship.

That I think is a non-negotiable. Number 10, when it comes to having a, a relationship in the new paradigm, essentially. So those are my 10 things and on my 10th anniversary, . So I hope that these were helpful for you. I hope they were insightful for you. I hope that you got a lot out of this. And one thing I will say, if you are feeling drawn to this type of information to really understand how relationships show you, your growth edges and how you.

Uncover the patterns in your relationships and look at how that might be, what's blocking you from creating the life that you want. Then the metamorphosis is for you, and if you're interested in helping other people move through this as part of your coaching practice, as part of your healing practice, then the metamorphosis method is for you.

And if you are interested in both or you're not sure which one, but you know you're attracted to this information, then just reach out to me and we can chat about it. But in my experience, the tools are a non-negotiable when it comes to growth because until we really understand relationships and the way that we're showing up in relationships, Difficult to understand yourself, and it's difficult to understand why you might be experiencing certain challenges that seem to be getting recreated at every level.

And once you can really start to look at relationships differently and understand what you're being called forward to. By them, then things start to really shift and you learn how to work with your triggers and your challenges in a way that's a contribution to your growth instead of feeling stuck in them.

So I'll leave you here. I am sending you so much love. Please reach out if you have any questions about anything that I mentioned. And I will talk to you soon. 

Thank you so much for being here. Don't forget to subscribe to the show, leave a review, and share this show with your friends who you know are yearning for this type of content.

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See you next time.

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Alyse Bacine

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